Acknowledging That My Son Has a Substance Use Disorder

NO! I can’t face this! It’s too painful!

Have you ever been faced with something too painful to face?

Acknowledging my son had a substance use disorder (Substance Use Disorder is the preferred language for someone struggling with drug addiction) was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to come to terms with.

• How could MY SON fall into this darkness?
• What happened that brought him to this place?
• What did I do wrong? How did I fail him?

These were some of the questions that flooded my mind when I discovered that my son was addicted to Heroin.

Staying in denial meant I didn’t have to face some hard cold realities.

When I think about what issues surfaced when I was struck with the news that my loved one was using heroin, I now understand why that subconscious protective shield of denial stayed in place for so long. To remove it meant my heart would be exposed to some painful truths that I subconsciously didn’t want to deal with.

Were you ever faced with a situation that you or one of your family members was involved in or dealing with something that made you scream on the inside, NO! THIS JUST CAN’T HAPPEN IN MY FAMILY?

It might not be drugs or alcohol. It can be anything: prison, gay lifestyle, unwed pregnant teenager, pornography addiction, prostitution, abusive relationship, a mental illness, life-threatening disease, death of a spouse or child, divorce and custody battles you never dreamed you’d go through, and on and on the list can go.

Have you experienced feelings of stigma because your family is going through challenges you never wanted, dreamed of, or prayed for?

In my situation, I knew my son would be labeled a “drug addict” or a “junkie”. We would be the family of a “drug addict”. As you hear the words, “drug addict or junkie” what images come to your mind? If you’re a family member of someone who is suffering from the disease of addiction, how do these words affect you? Do you feel dirty, ashamed, or disgraced? Let’s face it, it’s hard to acknowledge that we have someone in our family with a substance use disorder. Or if it’s not drugs or alcohol, what stigma have you had to deal with because of the trial your family has had to go through?

In my situation, I felt like there was an invisible sign hung on my front door that said, “BEWARE DRUG ADDICT LIVES HERE”.  And it also felt like my loved one had been branded with a tattoo that said “I’M A DRUG ADDICT”. The implication is this: Stay away! Stay far away from them!  You might catch the disease they have.

Suddenly, I felt like we were a disgrace to our family, neighborhood, community, and church.  How is it that someone struggling with a substance use disorder (or any other issue that our society deems unacceptable) is no longer a human being worthy of dignity and respect? They become identifiable by their drug addiction rather than by their identity as a valuable human being who is suffering from a disease of the brain. They become the untouchable, the unlovable, the stained, dirty ones, and society’s throwaways. These are the feelings that not only does the family feel but the loved one who is suffering feels as well.

We as a culture throw more shame on the already mounds of shame that both the loved one suffering feels and the family members feel too.

Can you see here why it would be so hard for the loved one and the family to come out of denial and acknowledge the truth of what they are facing?  It’s safer to keep it hidden. We don’t want to face the stigma attached to whatever trial it is we are facing that labels our family in some unacceptable, disgraceful way. Fear of rejection, fear of being stigmatized, and dealing with shame make it very difficult to admit there is a problem. It’s easier to say, I don’t have a problem or my loved one doesn’t have a problem.

But until we can acknowledge there is a problem, our families cannot get the help they so desperately need.