In this series, I will talk about why I struggled with admitting before God that indeed I did have a son who was suffering from a Substance Use Disorder.

Part 2

Do you ever feel like being a Christian means you have to be perfect?

Well, I used to feel that way. I had some stinking thinking that needed changing because that mentality can be a recipe for disaster when it comes to finding healing and recovery.

With that being said, let me explain how that mindset made it difficult for me to acknowledge before God that my son had a substance use disorder.

One of the misunderstandings I had about what it means to be a good witness for Christ was that my life had to be perfect and that meant my family had to be perfect. Therefore, I got adept at learning to hide behind a mask pretending everything was good.  After all, we were Christians.  Christians are supposed to have it all together, aren’t they?

If I acknowledged before God that my life wasn’t perfect, that my family had many problems, I felt that I wasn’t being a good witness for Christ. I felt I wasn’t representing Christ properly. And hence the mask I wore said, “I’m doing well. My family is fine. Thank you for asking.” At times, that was a flat-out lie. I had the thinking that if others knew everything wasn’t perfect and that I was dealing with some pretty hard circumstances on the home front, they would think “where is your God”? “How can you call yourself a Christian, look at the mess you and your family have?” This kind of thinking meant I was a poor witness for Christ. I had some pretty messed-up theology.

Ever feel like you are wearing a mask, saying the “right words” but feeling entirely different on the inside and knowing it’s not the truth?

Of course, we don’t want to tell everyone what is going on in our lives. But, when do we get to become real, admit we are struggling with some issues or our family is going through some hard times? If we choose to admit we are dealing with some difficult trials, we don’t need to give details.

There is a fine line between being real and being wise and keeping everything tucked in our hearts or only speaking to the right person or people.

Some reasons we often don’t speak the truth are:

1. Sometimes we often don’t want to say anything for fear of being judged. That’s a valid point.
2. Or sometimes we don’t want to say anything because others might pry for more details. That’s another valid point.
3. And, too, we don’t want to speak the negative and bring ourselves down because we are focusing on the negative. That’s another valid point.
4. And, then too, we don’t want to open up because we also don’t want to slander or gossip about our family or others. This is another valid point.

And there are many other reasons we don’t want to acknowledge that things are not great or perfect. I do understand this. My only point is, that I think we all too often have ungodly mindsets or beliefs that keep us from being authentic and real.

I had a misconception of what it means to be a good witness for Christ. Hence, it’s the motive that we have to look at when we think about why we are silent or denying the truth of what is really happening in our life or our family’s life. We want to experience His healing and freedom and if we hide behind a mask, we can’t find that healing or freedom. We have to be honest before God about what is going on in us and in our families and from there let God lead us into healing and freedom.

Where does it say in Scripture that the trials we are going through, the problems or challenges we are having, and our family is having, make us a bad witness for Christ?

I do believe our witness is more about how we live our life through trials. It’s more about the growth that the trials can bring us than it is the fact that we have trials. It’s more about how God can be glorified through our trials. We are all going to be faced with trials at some time in our lives.

The Bible is filled with stories of how God’s people went through many trials. We could look at Joseph, or Moses, or Naomi, or Job, or David, or how about Paul or Peter, and on and on. They all experienced trials in their lives and some of them were pretty long trials. And what about the trials Jesus Himself suffered!

Scripture tells us “Though he was God’s Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do. (Hebrews 5:8 Message)

James tells us to count it all joy when we experience trials. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 NIV

I don’t believe James is telling us to be joyful for the trial. But rather to be joyful for what the trial can produce in us. James reminds us that God is interested in our growth, our maturing process.

God will take our messy situations, and our trials and use them to grow us up in our most Holy faith and then turn around and use us to comfort others with the same comfort we received. Nothing we go through is in vain or without a bigger purpose.

I can tell you that the trial of experiencing a son with a substance use disorder taught me many, many lessons. And without a shadow of a doubt, I grew in incredible ways through that journey.

And by the way, one of the ways I grew was I overcame this mindset that I and my family had to be perfect in order for me to be a good witness for Christ.

Today, I am helping other families who have loved ones with a substance use disorder find healing and recovery. I could not be doing this work if I still wore the mask of pretending all is well. Rather, I chose to tear off the mask, do my own recovery work and find purpose in the journey. And this brings me great satisfaction and much joy.

As a matter of fact, our family is still on a journey. We have issues we are still working on.

And that does not make me a bad witness for Christ. It makes me human with the need for a Savior and with plenty of room to continue to heal, learn and grow. That, I believe, is a lifelong journey.

If you are feeling like you have to wear a mask and pretend everything is okay when in reality it is not, may I invite you to gently ask the Lord to help you acknowledge the truth of whatever it is you are dealing with or going through before Him? And then know my friend that just because you have trials in your life, especially in your family life, it does not make you a bad witness for Christ.

I  pray that today you will find a breakthrough in any thinking that doesn’t align with God’s truth and I pray that you will find deeper healing knowing you are loved by God with an everlasting love.

How might I partner with you and pray for you?