In this series, I will talk about why I struggled with admitting before God that indeed I did have a son who was suffering from a Substance Use Disorder.

Part 3

It’s his problem, isn’t it? His drug addiction isn’t about me! It’s not my struggle? Why do I need to get help?

Ah, but you see, as a family, we are all interconnected and one family member’s struggles often reveal our own weaknesses. Family dynamics can have a role in helping our loved ones get into recovery or contributing to their continued drug use (or whatever issue it is you are dealing with).

Acknowledging before God that my son had a substance use disorder was one level of acknowledgment. But acknowledging that I was struggling with my own issues as a result of his use disorder is another level of acknowledgment.

If we, as family members, examine our own behavior, our own attitudes, or our belief system, we might discover we too are dealing with some difficult issues revolving around whatever struggles our loved one(s) are going through.

I thought I would share with you, my friend, what some of my heart issues were in order to encourage you, whether you have a family member who is struggling with a substance use disorder or you have other family situations, to consider doing your own recovery work.

Here are some of my hidden secrets that were underneath the surface, deep in my heart, that I didn’t realize until I started attending to my own recovery. I wonder if you can relate to any of them?

1. I had a control issue. If I didn’t control everything, what would happen? I took on the burden of trying to make sure everything was right within my family. I was the fixer. I thought I could fix the problems. And, I shouldered, if you will, the weight of the problems and carried them by myself. Often behind control is fear. Fear was at the root of my control issue and this leads to my second challenge.

2. I was afraid of losing my son. I was afraid of the consequences of his substance use disorder for him and for us as a family. Would he live? What was happening to his physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health? Where might this disease take him and us as a family? What kind of future would he have? And on and on came the many questions that arose as I dealt with this reality. I was dealing with a lot of fears. And I needed to acknowledge this before God and do my own work around the fear.

3. Unworthiness and shame. I felt that if I acknowledged the gravity of the situation to God (as if He didn’t know already), I should not be in the ministry. I felt a sense of unworthiness and shame. How can I point others to Christ and tell of His wonderful love and saving grace if, in my own family, we are having some serious problems? I needed to realize that my son’s substance use disorder didn’t make or break me as a Christian. Otherwise, none of us would be worthy of representing Christ. I am worthy in Christ because of His sacrificial bloodshed for me at Calvary. It is finished.

These are just a few of the issues I had to deal with in acknowledging before God that not only did my son have a substance use disorder but I, too, had my own issues that I needed to deal with.

What recovery work might you need to do, my friend, as you acknowledge before God not only your loved one’s issues but you also acknowledge before God your own struggles as well?